14 Aug 2020
Am at a cross road today when I want to venture into the unknown. There’s something that I’ve been doing for the last 25 years, something that’s almost become second nature, a part of me – even if I’ve hated every bit of it for the 9130 odd days that I’ve been at it. Never wanted to do this, but then life has its own way of spinning its web around you – trapping you below layers of security, family, obligations, fears, insecurities and the final topping of the absolute lack of confidence that your closest one have in you – the biggest resistance that I’ve faced while trying to break through this web, my closest ones. Surprisingly, it has never been an “I’m there for you” but always an “it’s not that easy”. Almost fringing on “you won’t be able to make it” instead of a “well face it together”….
Am at a cross road today when I want to venture into the unknown. There’s something that I’ve been doing for the last 25 years, something that’s almost become second nature, a part of me – even if I’ve hated every bit of it for the 9130 odd days that I’ve been at it. Never wanted to do this, but then life has its own way of spinning its web around you – trapping you below layers of security, family, obligations, fears, insecurities and the final topping of the absolute lack of confidence that your closest one have in you – the biggest resistance that I’ve faced while trying to break through this web, my closest ones. Surprisingly, it has never been an “I’m there for you” but always an “it’s not that easy”. Almost fringing on “you won’t be able to make it” instead of a “well face it together”….
So, come
the second thoughts. The sentimental blackmail of time for children, lifestyle,
household help, status & the worst – “you’re good at this”!
What if I’m
better at something else? What if I am able to give my children a better future
than what I can afford as on today? What if it’s finally a question of my
happiness?
I read
somewhere that you can never find out how deep the water is unless you take a
plunge in it. So am the diving board now. Let’s find out how deep the water is.
Question is are you on the sidelines, are you just waiting to watch the fun
& give a “I told you so” or are you in the water training to save me in
case I drown…. Time will tell. If nothing else, this’ll atleast tell me who I’m
swimming with!
06 Nov 2021
Its been one year of intense studies. Am much more confident of my abilities and learnings. I often laugh at the interview I gave for ingram micro in September last year. Even I wouldn't have hired me then. Battling a new challenge now. The challenge of finding a job. You are either over qualified or lack industry experience. Many do not want to hire a veteran - say they have too much ego or are too old to learn. I wonder when and where will I strike the balance. There of course remains the weight of having shifted bag and baggage to the UK and having invested my lifes earnings into education. They say that good education never fails you. I hope it is true ....
Its been one year of intense studies. Am much more confident of my abilities and learnings. I often laugh at the interview I gave for ingram micro in September last year. Even I wouldn't have hired me then. Battling a new challenge now. The challenge of finding a job. You are either over qualified or lack industry experience. Many do not want to hire a veteran - say they have too much ego or are too old to learn. I wonder when and where will I strike the balance. There of course remains the weight of having shifted bag and baggage to the UK and having invested my lifes earnings into education. They say that good education never fails you. I hope it is true ....
